The story of Michelle
When my marriage broke down in 2005 I found myself in a place I had only ever read about. I was alone living in a one room hostel, a single mother whose life was now tainted by lost love and the torment of domestic violence. Initially I had no hope and I felt lost. I had very few friends to call on and a 5 month old baby to look after.Being homeless I experienced the labelling and discrimination people in authority impose on you, the judgement of being a single mother as though I had no ambition in life. I was due to return to work after maternity leave, but the job had been disposed of, without warning. So I also ended up jobless. I fell into deep depression, my hair had fallen out in huge patches and I lost loads of weight.
I always had an interest in youth work so whilst searching for jobs I decided to pursue a degree and become qualified in an area I had worked in as a volunteer for 10 years. I enrolled with the University of Bedfordshire, but returning to education proved a challenge. After so many years I had no confidence in my own abilities but I graduated with a 2.1.
The impacts of the abuse and other trauma from my youth had not dissipated and have left scars, but I am trying to deal with and overcome these scars. The decision to do this fashion show has been a difficult one, what would seem trivial is actually a major step in overcoming a fear of being out and having people look at me. I no longer want life to pass me by and although the thought fills me with dread I want to free myself from the negative view I have held for so long so I can move forward and step by step reach my goals and inspire others to do the same.
Where did you get your strengths and courage from?
My daughter Shai-Lee is my saving grace. When I wanted to curl up and forget life, I couldn’t. I had to force myself to get up and be there for her, I grew stronger as my desire for her to have the best of me, and the desire for her to believe in herself and do well became my priority. For her to have this, I had to have it. It was her who gave me reason to live.
Who inspired you?
Many women that I have met or read about who have overcome adversity be it emotional, physical or circumstantial to go on and make the most of life. Joni Erikson Tada was injured in a diving accident and was paralysed from the neck down. Her dreams of being a diver are no longer possible; she found a passion in painting and became an outstanding artist using her mouth to pain.
What message do you want to pass to all the women out there?
That it’s never too late to pursue your dreams. Though circumstances and situations may have seemed to rob you of time and may have left you with insecurities, fears or doubts, it is never too late to make the choice to stop them from robbing you any further. You hold the key to your happiness in your hand and though the road may not be easy you deserve to live a life that is fulfilled.
Photo by Anton
Photo by Matthew Pearl
The story of Marina
I was healthy and happy right through my childhood. The teenage years became chaos of identity crisis. A series of events and difficulty adjusting to changes led to a slow but violent development of my eating disorder and a multi impulsive bulimia.
Multi impulsive bulimia nervosa is the most severe variant of bulimia and normally sets in a similar way to simple bulimia. In addition to the binge-purge cycle, sufferers also adopt a variety of impulsive and self-destructive behaviours; drug/alcohol abuse, self-harm, theft and promiscuity.
All of these became a running theme in my life. I knew I needed help but had no idea of how to get it. Another two years passed as turbulently as the last four and I found myself in the same predicament only this time with a boyfriend with a criminal record and a dodgy group of friends who introduced me to drugs. Finally I found the courage to swallow my pride and asked my mother for help. Relapse after relapse were setting me back but each time I got closer to the final destination – now, alive and healthy! In 2007 & 2009 I had two beautiful children who further helped me in my recovery.
Where did you get your strengths and courage from?
My children. I was at the peak of my eating disorder when I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter. They were the blessings in disguise. I understood the beauty of life. The gained weight, stretch marks and breasts that later lost all shape and form could not overshadow the accomplishment I felt that this body of mine that I have put through hell and back did something so miraculous, two beautiful children!
Who inspired you?
My fathers’ mother inspires me to this day. She was the most courageous woman who fought through everything life threw at her with great bravery. She lost 10 children due to lack of medicine and appropriate conditions in my home country. My father, the last child, was named Umirzak, meaning a long life, as he is the only one who survived. My grandfather died when my father was still very young and she brought my father up on her own.
What message do you want to pass to all the women out there?
Embrace what beauty God has given you and don’t succumb to the shallowness of the images and ideals portrayed by the media!
Photo by Matthew Pearl
Photo by Matthew Pearl
The story of Sarah
Born and raised in Australia, in a lower-middle income family, I moved to Sydney when I was 18 to study business at university. One of my first projects was a debate entitled “It’s not what you know, but who you know and how you play the game”. Two semesters later, I failed every single subject. On a whim, I decided to move to Despite my success of gaining that role, I wasn’t satisfied. The long hours and the stress were not worth it, particularly as the credit crunch was starting and there was a prospect of bad bonuses.
Having an entrepreneurial spirit, I’d rather work long hours for myself, building a business, rather than working for someone else. So I took a pretty big risk and resigned from Merrill Lynch in August 2008 and started my venture in 2009. I launched the business straight into Whole Foods Market, won some industry awards, and then flagship customers of Harrods and Fortnum & Mason soon followed. And this is where I am today!
Where did you get your strengths and courage from?
Myself, my experiences and my upbringing
Who inspired you?
Debbie Moore, founder of Pineapple Dance Studios; Candy Brothers; many female entrepreneurs featured in magazines; my first boss in the UK- Rajesh Garg, now CFO of Cadbury India
What message do you want to pass to all the women out there?
Have internal strength; rely on yourself, and “it’s not what you know, but who you know and how you play the game”. i.e., don’t be afraid to network!
I went to school in a very affluent area and was exposed to lifestyles which made my desire to do something of my life. I started working at the age of 14. I worked in various jobs and returned to university as a mature student with the ambition to become a teacher. I bought my first house aged 25. I became a mortgage advisor, took risks and ended up with a property portfolio in excess of £1,000,000 and ran a successful mortgage practice supporting women in their desire to become financially independent.
I started to build a house in Jamaica and partly educated my children there, as my intention was to move abroad with my children. My son returned to England in 2006 and in 2007. I faced a life changing experience. My only son aged 17 was tragically taken away from me – he left home to go skating at Streatham Ice Rink and never returned home. This brutal sudden loss of my child splintered my heart into a million pieces and everyday that I now live, a tiny splinter finds it way home but I know my heart will never be the same again.
I now spend my time supporting other mothers on their journey of recovery and started JAGS Foundation to engage young people in financial literacy training to help reduce the susceptibility of young people to the increasing negative peer pressure which is claiming so many people’s lives – ‘keeping hope alive in young people’ has become my lifetime work as the journey I now walk is one of enlightening, guiding and helping to keep our children alive.
Where did you get your strengths and courage from?
Both my grandmothers, my younger sister and last but not least my mother. A number of dynamic women whom I consider my guiding light come from near and far, books I read, films I watch and women I meet in person. My first encounter with the writings of Iyanla Vanzant, Susan Jeffers, Toni Morrison, Bell Hooks, my heavenly father and divine mother. My silent father whose mathematical genius I admired greatly. Anita Roddick
Who inspired you?
My younger sister (she is my backbone and encourages me big time!) Books I have read, Anthony Robbins, Robert Allen. Women I meet at networking meetings. Constance Briscoe, Foluke, Precious on Line, Susan Kurr, Oprah, Rachel Elnaugh, Laura Tenison,
What message do you want to pass to all the women out there?
Life is a rollercoaster, learn to love the ride and always be eternally grateful for everyday that you’re blessed with life. Other people are relying on you and learn from you too, your life is a gift so cherish it, honour your dreams and desires and never give up.
The story of Diana
I was born on 7th August 1960. I grew into a chubby child and by the time I reached junior school was bullied terribly. Despite this, I was generally a very happy child and had many friends.I was 17 when I met my ex-husband who was 5 years older than me. I got engaged at 18 and moved in with my in-laws. His mother made my life hell. I fell pregnant at 19 and moved into our first flat. I got married in August 1980 and soon realized he was controlling. I had a son in October 1980. I was inexperienced in standing up for myself and wanted to please and be a good wife and mother.
Arguments were far and few between, but when we argued it was about my weight. My weight yo-yo’d over the years, he was happy with my size 14-16. I had always visualized how I wanted to look and held onto this vision. Until four years ago I was a size 18.
In 2009 everything came to a halt, he took a knife to me - this was the last straw! I was a size 10 and this made him very angry. I moved out of the family home and decided to divorce him. The two older boys had left home, but I stayed and supported my youngest through his A levels and left in September 2009 back to my Dad’s. I rented a flat, but then moved back to Dad’s. He is dragging out the divorce and still living in the family home.
I am a size 8, happy and give thanks to my family and friends who have been so supportive. I am a life coach and have recently joined as a volunteer for Home-start and support a family with everyday struggles. I would love to write a book about my life to show that as long as you have dreams, you can make them happen.
Where did you get your strengths and courage from?
I got my strengths and courage first from my sister - she has been my rock and has supported, listened and comforted me. My close friends have continued to make me laugh and allowed me to cry when I was low. My youngest son has been a rock and has consistently looked out for my welfare and we have shared lovely times together and we speak everyday. My Dad has been my savior and not judged me in any way and has welcomed me back home with open arms.
Who inspired you?
My sister, being a single parent to three children all living at home, plus two grand-children one of whom has a severe disability and is blind. She managed to go to university and studied for three years and got her degree in Early Childhood Studies and is now working after 25 years. Princess Diana - she hung on to her integrity in her marriage knowing that the love she wanted to share was not reciprocated. Oprah - with all her wealth, she never forgot where she came from and continues to give, give and give some more.
What message do you want to pass to all the women out there?
As long as you have hopes and dreams, never give up, you can make them happen. God never said that life would be easy; he just said that it would be worth it.
At the age of 15 I suffered from severe sleep disorder and at the age of 20 I had my first severe depression. Few months later, I was involved in a snowboarding accident which meant that I was tied to my bed for several months. Not long after having recovered from the whiplash caused by the accident, the second severe depression hit me. I had those moments when I seriously thought about killing myself. Only thanks to anti-depressants, my therapist and my partner, I managed to overcome this illness. During these eight years of pain, I managed to get Master‘s degree in Economics. At 28 years old and finally recovered from all illnesses and accidents, I decided that my life needed to change dramatically and was fed up of working in the banking industry.
I quit my job and went travelling around the world with my partner. I got rid of my problems during a 21 day silent meditation retreat in a Buddhist temple in Thailand. It was a really tough experience since I had to face all my issues and wasn’t allowed to run away from them.
The sleep disorder is gone. I moved to London and I run my own business here (Ron Orp’s Mail, a lifestyle newsletter for London). The book I’ve also written a book about the big changes in my life, which is hopefully going to inspire other people to break free from their problems to.
Where did you get your strengths and courage from?
Meditation helps me to face my problems. I meditate daily: They say that our mind is a garden that needs to be carefully tended. We have to be at the gate and not let in bad thoughts. I’d say that I get 80% of my strength and courage from meditation (there’s a saying: The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. The other 20% of courage and strength I get from reading biographies of extraordinary people.
Who inspired you?
I’m inspired by people who stepped out of their comfort zone and through this, together with their determination, achieved extraordinary things. The person that has inspired me the most is Greg Mortenson, a poor American who decided that he wanted to educate the girls in Pakistan. He encountered an unbelievable amount of obstacles to fundraising. Yet he built dozens of schools there.
What message do you want to pass to all the women out there?
We all have our problems with ourselves, and we all are sometimes unsatisfied with our lives. But everyone has the resources to change their life. It’s all in our mind. Our mind is an exceptionally powerful machine, in both ways: it can be powerful in destroying ourselves with self-doubts, but it can also be the key for our very own transformation. Everything is possible. The only constriction is our own mind. If you learn how to control your mind you are going to be capable of doing extraordinary things. Absolutely everyone can, even if you have been suffering from depression or are an insecure person or have any other personal issues. I’m proof for that.
My life story is one that has always been alive in the pages of my diary and very little spoken of. My first boyfriend at 15 years old was very controlling and obsessive, he wasn’t satisfied with me being his girlfriend he wanted to control and dictate every aspect of my life. By the end of the relationship I had no confidence, lost all trust, was scared and I was convinced I was very ugly and that no one wanted me. He used to go out of his way to make sure I had low self esteem and that I felt battered being as possessive as he was he would randomly turn up at my house in the middle of the night or when I was out shopping. At this point I felt so depressed and insecure. Where I used to be so sure and confident about the course of my life I lost trust and all confidence. I was so ashamed of being controlled like this but I couldn’t tell anyone. I felt that I had let my parents down by letting him walk all over me and having no strength to leave. He affected my education and I became even more withdrawn thinking suicide was the only way out. I took this abuse and more for four years until enough was enough.
Getting out of the relationship was a gradual realisation that I don’t have to put up with this. So with the help of my brothers and my best friend I made the decision to get rid of him and I haven’t looked back since.
Looking back I’m saddened by such a past but I do not regret it I am grateful I got out. I look to the future in order to be the best that I can be. I thank God I have matured and accepted myself with those scars and I have fallen in love with me and my family; it’s the best feeling in the world.
Where did you get your strengths and courage from?
Both my strength and courage I received from God. I knew that the only way I could get out of this in one piece was if I put my trust in the right place no one else could have mended me so well apart from he made me. I also got my strength from my parents especially my mother and my dear friend Belinda; she’s always been my rock.
Who inspired you?
My inspiration came from within in me, I sat down one day with my journal and decided what I wanted out of life for me and my family. And that vision is what keeps me going and away from distractions. Gandhi once said Be the change you want to see I have applied that in every area of my life remembering that my first love is me.
What message do you want to pass to all the women out there?
It’s simple love yourself, really fall in love with you. Cherish yourself and by doing so you will blossom beautifully and if anyone who didn’t deserve you came along you would kindly inform them to keep going. If you are in a similar or even worse situation than I was in, getting out starts with the desire and a decision to do so. I guarantee that once you take the first step you will not look back. It will be one of the greatest decisions you will ever make if not the greatest.
Serious childhood illnesses and experience left me feeling very shy and disconnected. I always dreamed about going to university to as a token of appreciation for my mother’s suffering. I became a single parent mother at the age of 22 and then again at the age of 24 years old. I felt as if my world was crushing me to death. I was in the second year of university and registered homeless, and simply became good at being a serial victim. With the support of my mother I managed to pull myself together and made a choice to become the best I could be for my mother. I was diagnosed with dyslexia and experiencing a wealth of difficulties throughout my life ranging from financial constrains, isolation and so on. I have always found it therapeutic to support others. Therefore I continued to do so and in 2006 I set up what is now known as The Mobile Single Parents Project, here I where I provide lone parent families with a catalyst platform for change. I have huge dreams and I am determined to accomplish them all despite emotional and financial setbacks. As a result of setting up www.tmspp.org, I have gained huge national press coverage, radio: BBC London news, Channel 4 and a British Library case study, Make Your Mark Ambassador too. I am dancing with the universe and I have a wealth of blessings in the form of my family, friends and network of professional support who make my project amazing. I have always turned negative energy/experience into fuel for a positive outcome. Domestic violence was a huge battle for me and my children.My project is dedicated to my mother and children and to lone parent families worldwide as a testimony of empowerment. No matter what happens SMILE. My ten year old daughter also has a website: www.lashaibensalmi.co.uk
Where did you get your strengths and courage from?
Every Woman website
Who inspired you?
My strength and inspiration came from holding my children at birth; being a catalyst for lone parent families; and seeing my mother maintain courage for my sake. Oprah Winfrey has always been our hero.
What message do you want to pass to all the women out there?
2011 the dawn of female entrepreneurship, dance with the universe and see what it presents. Become the you that your heart desires you to be. “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Eleanor Roosevelt”
